Contemplative practice / meditation of any form (in today’s
case Universal Loving Kindness) is harder for me some days than others, not so
much in the actual visualizing the loving kindness aspects, just slowing myself
down enough to only focus on this one activity instead of the multitudes of
things I should/could be doing. This
exercise was very easy, to repeat 4 lines * May all individuals gain freedom
from suffering. * May all individuals find sustained health, happiness, and
wholeness. *May I assist all individuals in gaining freedom from suffering.
*May I assist all individuals in finding health, happiness, and wholeness, for
ten minutes of calm, still, focused suggestions, yet I found myself getting
frustrated with not remembering the simple lines, having to open my eyes and
look at the words, and trying to re-enter a place that I even wanted to do the exercise
at all. I know this is just one example
of a not so successful experience in a line of very pleasant meditative
experiences, yet frustrating none the less.
For the brief moments I could hold my focus on the repetitive actions of
this exercise, I felt good thinking of focusing on others. I work with others everyday in my line of
work and in my private life so I really do find peace in my spirit by doing so,
and actually find it very difficult to pay attention to myself, yet there are moments
that I feel like there is just so much to do for others that I cannot not slow
my thoughts to focus on any one aspect of thinking of others, and yes, there
are also those moments that I get overwhelmed by everyone else’s needs that I
just simply cannot force myself to think about them for one more moment.
From the personal assessment of my development and the areas
I believe I would like to work on, I can see aspects of all 4 areas of my
personal experiences that could use help.
I can also see the positive aspects I have already attained and see
glimpses of higher levels of growth in each as well. I believe that over time I will work on
different aspects, yet for now I want to continue to work on the psychospiritual
area to attain higher levels of consciousness.
I like the more specific aspects of conative (source and character of my
motivations), cognitive, and emotional aspects of development and see where I am not at the most basic levels of these areas yet, move around the middle areas. I think I am also going to work on the
Interpersonal aspects of my life experiences, more so in the specific areas of
personal and family, because the areas of personal and family are areas that I
struggle with. I seem to deplete all of
my energies at work or helping others outside of my family or even helping my
family take care of external issues and never have the energy just to be with
them and enjoy them and have patience to listen to them and learn who they
are. I do for them, and I fix things for
them, and, and, and, yet I miss them and time has moved so quickly, wasting anymore seems frightening.
I think I want to really work on the meditation exercises more intentionally to find that place of calm, to allow myself to sit still and not DO anything in particular to fulfill a deadline or fix something or be there to do something for someone, but just to find calm. I want to work on the Life-as-Practice approach to integral practice to be able to stop my mental and physical movements and just give time and patience to the ones I love and myself, I want to show intentional love and kindness to them by using the meditation practices to train my mind to find the importance in this just like I find the importance in my work.
