Contemplative practice / meditation of any form (in today’s
case Universal Loving Kindness) is harder for me some days than others, not so
much in the actual visualizing the loving kindness aspects, just slowing myself
down enough to only focus on this one activity instead of the multitudes of
things I should/could be doing. This
exercise was very easy, to repeat 4 lines * May all individuals gain freedom
from suffering. * May all individuals find sustained health, happiness, and
wholeness. *May I assist all individuals in gaining freedom from suffering.
*May I assist all individuals in finding health, happiness, and wholeness, for
ten minutes of calm, still, focused suggestions, yet I found myself getting
frustrated with not remembering the simple lines, having to open my eyes and
look at the words, and trying to re-enter a place that I even wanted to do the exercise
at all. I know this is just one example
of a not so successful experience in a line of very pleasant meditative
experiences, yet frustrating none the less.
For the brief moments I could hold my focus on the repetitive actions of
this exercise, I felt good thinking of focusing on others. I work with others everyday in my line of
work and in my private life so I really do find peace in my spirit by doing so,
and actually find it very difficult to pay attention to myself, yet there are moments
that I feel like there is just so much to do for others that I cannot not slow
my thoughts to focus on any one aspect of thinking of others, and yes, there
are also those moments that I get overwhelmed by everyone else’s needs that I
just simply cannot force myself to think about them for one more moment.
From the personal assessment of my development and the areas
I believe I would like to work on, I can see aspects of all 4 areas of my
personal experiences that could use help.
I can also see the positive aspects I have already attained and see
glimpses of higher levels of growth in each as well. I believe that over time I will work on
different aspects, yet for now I want to continue to work on the psychospiritual
area to attain higher levels of consciousness.
I like the more specific aspects of conative (source and character of my
motivations), cognitive, and emotional aspects of development and see where I am not at the most basic levels of these areas yet, move around the middle areas. I think I am also going to work on the
Interpersonal aspects of my life experiences, more so in the specific areas of
personal and family, because the areas of personal and family are areas that I
struggle with. I seem to deplete all of
my energies at work or helping others outside of my family or even helping my
family take care of external issues and never have the energy just to be with
them and enjoy them and have patience to listen to them and learn who they
are. I do for them, and I fix things for
them, and, and, and, yet I miss them and time has moved so quickly, wasting anymore seems frightening.
I think I want to really work on the meditation exercises more intentionally to find that place of calm, to allow myself to sit still and not DO anything in particular to fulfill a deadline or fix something or be there to do something for someone, but just to find calm. I want to work on the Life-as-Practice approach to integral practice to be able to stop my mental and physical movements and just give time and patience to the ones I love and myself, I want to show intentional love and kindness to them by using the meditation practices to train my mind to find the importance in this just like I find the importance in my work.
Hello Sandy, Nice work. You have discovered several very important aspects of your life that need your attention. It took me a long time to realize that the laundry will still be there, so will the dishes and the dirt in the entry way SO when the oppertunity approaches to spend some quality time with your loved ones TAKE IT! and DON'T FEEL GUILTY EITHER! It is important to nurture our relationships! Good Luck. OH and as for focusing on the actual words of the sentences I found this daunting as well. For me it was a matter of turning the sentences into my words or actually thoughts and feelings.
ReplyDeleteHa, Ha! Thank you for mentioning you had issues remembering these simple four lines because so did I at first. What I did was keep my eyes 2/3 close while reading the four lines over and over until my mind took over. I know that it not the instructions told us do it but it worked for me. Thanks again for your honesty because now don't feel alone.
ReplyDeleteHello Kelly and Ms. Yogini,
ReplyDeleteI believe one of the most important aspects of this blog is to share experiences and to realize that, in all of this (life as well as an Integral health journey), we are not alone. There really is something comforting and on a deeper level, spiritual knowing we are not alone.
I struggled as a child because of situations that are very personal and painful to me and for years I carried this "burden" from it, thinking many horrible thoughts of myself and certain others that played a role. I read in a book or heard on TV that "you would be surprised to know exactly how many people suffered from situations like you (of course, not exactly as you but similar), I remember thinking how sad that was that other people had to endure such sufferings yet I also found peace from that. It showed me that if others lived through this then maybe I wasn't the one that was messed up, if others felt my pain and went on so the person that was telling this story could know, than maybe someone could get through it. I forgave myself and as I grew and studied behaviors and psychology more and more, I could forgive the others that played the roles they played.
Maybe that is the "Unity", in the highest level of psychospiritual development, that need, pull or natural awareness of being connected?
That did get a bit deeper than it needed to to explain how we all had a problem with four lines in a meditation exercise however it was relevant.
Sandy
Sandy,
ReplyDeleteYour honesty is refreshing. I think many of us are still learning the basic ropes of this guided imagery and meditation practice and, because in can be so insightful, I couldn't imagine it would ever come easily. We are all real people with real lives, and Christmas IS only a week away haha. This especially, is a challenging time to be finding that peace and quiet. I just read your DQ post for this week and I really can relate to your experiences. Let's keep at it and maybe after the holidays things will be a bit calmer...